Be Content with Life

The cycle of life during the exam period has been a chore for most of us, and many of us are awaiting that very day the exams for this semester ends. In fact for some, that very day has already arrived. But, what many of us, including myself failed to see, is that although we are struggling, we are actually fortunate enough to have the opportunity to strive for a future that is there. Be it promising, bleak or unsure, at least we have something to aim for, and we should be content with this.

Why the solemn entry? Its because I got so tired of studying, and went to surf the channel news asia site, and straits times site. I just realised that there were actually many videos about the dragon boating incident, including the mass ceremony at mandai yesterday. It was really emotionally provoking, and I really cannot imagine the pain and loss of the friends and families, when strangers like me are already feeling it. No hiding that I teared as I watched the different videos, as the speeches and eulogies from friends, loved ones, and even ministers, were really emotional and touching.

Multi-Tasking

Accoding to non-verbal intercultural studies on chronemics, I belong to a monochronic culture, whereby time is very important, am more task oriented, and would rather do one thing at a time. As a result, I think I am not that good a multi-tasker. That is why I hate exams or test which falls on the same day, and the same applies to projects. Perhaps that is also why I felt it real bad during the 12th and 13th week, when almost deadlines were around the same dates.

I think this can be both a good thing and a bad thing, whereby I can stay really focused on some thing, but then again I tend to neglect other things. But somehow or rather, as ironic and illogical as it may sound, my mind seems to react otherwise. It somehow tends to naturally multi-task, thinking about so many things at one time. When studying, I will always think about other modules, about after exams, about papers which have finished, and everything else under the sun, except focusing on the notes in front of me. Someone needs to drill the point into me that:

There's no point thinking about after exams, as I still have to get past the exams first. And, there's no point thinking behind about previous papers, as the only thing that is probably going to change by thinking about previous papers, are the marks in my future papers (as I am probably going to lose marks by being so distracted).

Sorry for the ranting here again, but this blog post shall serve its purpose as a self reminder to myself.

And pui, blackburn actually lost 0-4 at home to villa. To me, apart from blackburn, villa is perhaps the other most improving side in the premier league, but to lose by that big a margin at home is horendous. What happened to the ever so steady nelson and samba, with friedel as an execellent last resort. Disappointing, and things started going bad since we lost to united. Then again, if you rewind back to any other previous season, I wouldn't be feeling it as much as I wouldn't be expecting much. But just because bburn started the season so well, expectations on them and from myself were naturally also high. And to think of it, it is an all so familiar scenario I am experiencing in school now :p

Dum Dum Dum

Yes yes, blogging again. Perhaps the only person who is also blogging frequently, or perhaps even reading this, is cherie, haha. Suddenly feeling very slack, again. After my paper today, I totally fell aslp with that so-good-to-sleep weather, and woke up 3 hours later. And then now, I am still slacking when I haven't really touched my media writing.

Oh, think I am drinking too much red bull, and its probably going to kill my health somewhat, but oh well, its a twice in a year thingy only.

Everytime I walk to cheers, I will be thinking about many things (yes not only bit can walk around and think about many things, I can too haha). I was thinking about something at the start of the semester, something which was so unfamiliar to me, yet something which I cherished so much. Its perhaps because of this something, thats why I am feeling so stress, because this is honestly the first time I have been put at this position, and I am not used to it at all.

Bangkok ... Watching TV ... Slacking ... Swimming ... Movies ... Eating (although I am already doing alot of that now) ... ... ...

3 To Go

I won't say 1 'down', 3 to go, because I liked the way Reuben put it as 1 'up', 3 to go, very positive indeed. But taking into consideration that that 1 wasn't really 'up' for me, so I'll just say '3 to go'.

E-commerce was bleah, tricky. Most came out saying it was hard, but I shall label it as ok but tricky. In the end, despite all my calculations on negative marking and probability, I still left one question blank, because I totally didn't know what it was talking about. The only opened ended question was unexpected. The first mark was actually to dicipher a security code, which was easy but I carelessly got it wrong. But thankfully, I could do the remaining 4 marks.

I was quite surprised, as that open ended question was very tricky and technical, as the lecturer wanted us to come up with our own code which could both dicipher, and then un-dicpher a message, with one same code. Sounds confusing? Yes it is, and I probably figured it out with the aid of some background knowledge from poly. Definitely a disadvantage for many, as they came out not even knowing what the question was asking. Once again, the lecturer lives up to her name as one of the trickiest paper setters I have came across.

Media writing next, and its my most detested and feared paper. Don't really know how to study, and don't really know how it will turn out. Will try to read up whatever I can. I'm not really aiming high this sem, but am just trying to stay hopeful.

Negative Marking

I am probably one of those who are still frequently blogging, while the rest are busy studying. Why? Because I'm getting sick and tired of studying. I literally get headaches when I read my e-commerce text book now, so I'm putting it aside till I feel better. Not that time is on my side though.

Exam stress is on everyone. Last night while walking back from cheers, I could actually hear someone crying from one of the old KR blocks. Mind you it was not weeping, it was loud wailing, and I am assuming its because of exam stress. As for me, somehow or rather, I am hoping my papers come as soon as possible.

Now I am not an economist, nor am I good at math and figures. But can someone figure this out. My paper has mcq questions tomorrow, 1 point for a correct one, 0 point for a blank answer. But here is the catch, -0.2 marks for a wrong answer. So looking at the figures, and factoring in probability, shouldn't I just disregard the negative marking thing, and just try my luck for all the questions?

Lets take 5 questions into perspective. If I get all 5 correct, I get 5 marks. I get all 5 wrong, I lose 1 mark in all. If I leave all 5 blank, I lose 0 marks. But then if I try my luck and attempt all, and lets say even if I get just 1 question correct, I actually lose only 0.8 marks, but gain back 1 mark, so thats gaining 0.2 marks. So comparing gaining 0.2 marks, to losing 0 marks, with a low probability of only 1/5, shouldn't I just try all questions, and not be worried about negative marking. Or did I get my calculations wrong there? Hmm ...

Randomness

Man, just like that, I have been at my books for a week. Life has been pretty mundane and boring, study abit, sleep, eat, surf the net, play some games, sleep, eat, play games, sleep, and the list goes on. If you noticed, I only used the word 'study' once in my previous sentence, because that is really how it is. How many of you are actually experiencing the same thing? You study for like a short while, and then you spend the rest of your time doing something else, claiming that it is a short break you are giving yourself. Super unproductive.

One week gone, and my first paper is still not here yet. Many have already been through 1 paper, some even 2. But honestly, I'm getting quite sick of this boring daily cycle. I'm thinking of after exams, thinking of bangkok, of cruising, of anything but exams.

I have been studying no doubt, but I would dare claim its not as hard as the previous semesters. Maybe one reason why I am feeling this is because I only have 4 exams, with 3 of them mostly mcq questions. But then again, I'm still feeling more slack than ever. Despite knowing the fact that this exams could and will actually determine my grades more than my 13 weeks of struggling with projects, knowing that its just a few days of struggle, I still cant bring any form of discipline to myself. Damn.

Take my e-commerce for example, feeling totally slack for it. Its mostly mcq, its open book, and guess what, I understand most of the things already before coming to NUS, as my diploma in business IT basically is in the focus of e-commerce. But somehow or rather, I kinda did badly for mid term, as I was faced up with one of the craftiest test question setters I have ever encountered. My mid term left me a little demoralised, but thank goodness my term paper salvaged some hope. Studied so damn hard for mid terms, so much so that I can still remember the points until now, and yet I would say my term paper was a last-minute-rushed-out-disorganised one, yet I did well for that. Moral of story again, hard work not equals good grades.

More and more people are blogging about the dragon boating incident. Its a real tragic incident, and I'm sure in on way or another, despite not knowing them at all, many of us are feeling it. I actually read 3 different newspapers with their roughly similar coverages of the incident, but the pictures were all different. Just seeing those pictures, and reading about the solemn atmosphere there there makes me feel even more for the victims and their families.

An Unfortunate Incident

News just came in that the bodies of the 5 missing dragon boaters have been recovered. I guess alike many, I kinda knew that chances of finding them alive after 1 day was slim, but despite having at all no attachment or whatsoever to them, I was also praying that there was a miracle. Unfortunately, it was not to be. Condolences and prayers go out to the family and friends of the victims.

Kinda sad how unpredictable life is. Guess one reason why I was following so closely to this incident was because when I was going through facebook, I had a friend who had his status changed to something like 'praying for the guys to come back', Of course, he is a dragon boater too. Out of curiosity, I went to view his profile, and many of his friends also had their statuses changed. Some of them even wrote 'praying for xxx', with xxx being the one of the victims. As I was surfing even deeper into the profiles, it was saddening as I actually chanced upon the profile of one of the victim, and he had wall post from his friends saying 'please come back soon'.

Reading the papers just now, these 5 men were young. The oldest perhaps 31, and youngest 20. Seeing pictures of their worried families and relatives was again very saddening, as their sons were all young and fit young men who had a long road ahead of them. Some just graduated, while a few others were still in school. Its a sad and tragic day for the sport of dragon boating in Singapore.

Tick Tock Tick Tock

Day by day, minute by minute, my first paper is nearing. In fact its e-commerce on wednesday, and I haven't touched it yet. Simply because its mcq, open book, and just one short answer question. But with negative marking for mcqs though. Next in line is media writing, and I haven't really touched that too. I still think that its the hardest module to study for, not hard as in content and difficulty of module, but more of don't really know how to study. Its pretty worrying though, as these 2 modules are probably the ones that will pull my CAP down.

Almost finished intercultural, and after doing some reading for the past 2 days, I just realised how interesting intercultural communications is. If I do manage to survive and get to honours, I would probably want my ISM or thesis topic to be something related with intercultural studies and CMC/advertising/communications. For once, readings was interesting. Now that I have more or less covered intercultural and advertising, I suddenly wished for these papers to be earlier, least I forget all that I have studied.

Just by looking at MSN nicks and facebook status updates, its quite obvious that some people have already been hit by the exams. It can be real demoralising to start off the first paper in a not so ideal manner, but I guess it just part and parcel of coping with this horrible period.

Pity I can't be home to watch soccer today, but some shocking scores just came in. Man Utd actually lost to Bolton, and Everton won 7-1. Argh all the top table teams won, and thats not good news for Blackburn. Just hope they win tomorrow (which they really should), and keep up with the pace. Probably also at least give me something to smile about in this distress period.

Oh, and hopefully the missing people from the dragon boat accident can be found safe and sound. Prayers and wishes go out to them, their family, and the dragon boat team. Really quite tragic, as when I first read about the incident, I thought it was some speed boat event or something. Only when I took more notice to the news that I realised it was actually dragon boating, and the people missing are actually around my age group.

Red Bull

How can I forget my secret recipe, Red Bull. Somehow or rather it kept me awake till quite late last night, and gave me something to cheer about as I managed to cover a couple more chapters for my intercultural. Just finished another can, and I hope it can last me through the afternoon.

Being my only essay written paper, I have reverted back to spotting topics for intercultural, crossing my fingers. Its a little bit harder this time, as there are 3 compulsory questions, and the other 2 are chosen from a set of 3 questions. 5 questions for 2 hours, so Im not really sure how Im gonna deal with that. I took 2 hours for 2 essay questions for social psych last semester, and still couldn't finish the paper. Guess I gotta consolidate my points better.

Went to print stuff and buy lunch and YIH just now, and the time coincided with those who finished the morning paper. Don't know why, but just seeing the crowd makes me nervous. Some happy faces, some sad faces, some bo chap faces. Makes me more gan chiong and wanna study harder and faster.

Snail Pace

Compared to yesterday, today is super unproductive. I was reading my book at a snail's pace, and spent the whole day circling around 2 chapters of my intercultural. Managed to finish my advertising yesterday, and was all ready to cover a few chapters of intercultural today, but I guess a couple of chapters is as far as I am gonna get. Some parts of the module is really interesting, but some chapters are just, to me, incomprehensible. Much as I try to read again and again, or read at a much slower pace, I can't seem to understand. If only all authors and writers actually write their books the media writing way, easier to understand structures, style and vocabs.

While I was walking back from YIH after printing some readings, I saw something quite gross yet interesting. Since young we have always been watching cartoons like Tom and Jerry, seeing cats being chased by dogs, and cats chasing mice, etc etc. But as the years go by, many books and shows have mentioned that this mice-cat-dog 'chain' may not really be true, and that these animals can actually co-exist. Although I have no true scientific backing on this information, but what I saw just now proved that the logic behind Tom and Jerry may be right after all. I saw a cat with a dead rat in its mouth. Of course, I'm assuming that it was the cat that killed the rat. It was kinda disgusting though, as I was munching on something when I saw that.

Exams officially starts tomorrow, and thankfully it doesn't start yet for me. Good luck to all for your papers!

Reading Week

Its wednesday already, and officially my 3rd day of mugging. Looking at the schedule I had set for myself in my previous post, I am kinda lacking behind. Spent the last 3 days on advertising, and am almost done, but still not really. I just wanna finish advertising proper because its one day after media writing paper, and probably wont have much time left for it when the time comes.

I'm using statcounter to actually track the number of hits on my blog, although I seldom check it. But apparently, I can roughly know the number of hits, just from my friends alone. They should know what I mean :)

I am always told that my blog is so academic focused (which is so true), and that I always seem so stress. I seriously don't know how to react when they say this, as different people have different blogging styles and agendas. Some blog about politics, some about recent happenings and issues, but as I have said before in some post months ago, that ever since I changed my blog skin, I stood firm on keeping my blog a personal life tracking one. So when my blog turns all academic and stressy, thats because thats really how my life is, therefore my blog can be considered a clear reflection of my life at that moment. And yes, I will always rat and complain about things in life, as I am not someone who is usually vocal about my unhappiness, so I use this space as a complaining channel. For one it makes me feel much better after letting things out.

The reason why I'm typing all this, is because I really don't appreciate how some like to use my blog to judge me, or anticipate whatever actions I may do in real life. Yes please understand, my blog can be used to bitch and stuff, as it in turn prevents me from really bitching in real life. Thats how I live the bitchiness side of me, so do understand me and respect me for that. There really is no need to bring up almost everything said on my blog, and use it against me, be it jokingly or seriously. I do understand that a blog is public, and is at liberty for any form of use, but sometimes things tend to be taken a little too far.

Yes this entry would again reveal the bitchiness in me, but well as said, thats what this blog is for anyway. I have decided to change my studying location, due to many reasons. And do allow me to qualify that I am not a mugger again. Just because I have been reading my book for a long period of time does not tag me as a mugger. If you really know how much I have really covered after hours of reading, you will understand why I am always spending so much time on my books. I have never been quick in reading or studying, as I never had the habit of reading. I never really studied for my PSLE and O's, and poly was a breeze as compared to A's. So I really am falling behind in terms of studying 'experience', or whatever you may call it. To date, I can count the number of story books I have really read in my life with the number of fingers I have, and reading the newspaper has only been a past time habit.

The message I'm trying to get across? Everyone's studying pace and reading speed is different, so do not compare. I can spend 4 days on 1 book, while someone else can just spend 1 day. Theres really nothing I can do about this problem, apart from working doubly hard and spending perhaps more time than anyone else. The very least I can really do to at least ensure that I don't get my worst ever CAP in NUS, which currently looks scaringly possible.

Journey to the Exams

Ok, Im so gonna do what hock did on his blog, if not this directionless-ness in me is gonna spread on for the entire week. I will plan a rough study timetable to keep track of my progress, and perhaps let me get gan chiong.

I will not take into account the days I had last week, as it was purely meant to finish up lectures, settle my SEP, and rest. But apparently the 'rest' factor stretched way too far into the weekend, and as a result, I spent one whole weekend reading one chapter of advertising only!

19th (Monday) - Advertising
20th (Tuesday) - Advertising
21st (Wednesday) - Advertising

22nd (Thursday) - Intercultural
23rd (Friday) - Intercultural
24th (Saturday) - Intercultural + Some Media Writing

25th (Sunday) - Some Media Writing + E-commerce
26th (Monday) - E-commerce
27th (Tuesday) - E-commerce
28th (Wednesday) - E-commerce Exam + Media Writing

29th (Thursday) - Media Writing
30th (Friday) - Media Writing Exam + Advertising

1st (Saturday) - Advertising Exam + Intercultural

2nd (Sunday) - Intercultural
3rd (Monday) - Intercultural
4th (Tuesday) - Intercultural Exam

Yup, no rest time factored in, so this schedule would probably stray off course abit. Notice how little time I had planned for media writing. For one, because this is one module which I have read the whole textbook already, and yes it goes to show that reading the book doesn't mean good grades; a message I have been trying to get to all mugger-wannabes. Secondly, I still find that module and its exam damn weird, and to be honest Im not very sure how to approach it.

Hope everyone's doing well for their revision, because I certainly am not. I will seek to put that right from today! Happy mugging everyone!

Home

As expected, work rate at home is at a flat zero, yes totally zilch. I woke up late, then watched TV, and surfed the net, and watched more TV. The closest I came to my books was to touch my advertising textbook. Thats bad, and I am going to go back to school earlier tomorrow.

Just watched the show 'Nanny McPhee' on HBO, and it was really good. The ending of the show gave me the same feelings I felt at the end of Rat-a-too-ee. The concept was the same, whereby there was a very meaningful phrase used in the middle of the movie, which seemed to be of nothing when it was first mentioned. But the true meaning of the phrase only revealed itself right at the end of the movie.

Can't Start the Engine

Can't seem to be getting started on my revision, and am sleeping too much. I know I haven't been sleeping alot when I was doing my last minute rushing of assignments, but I am more than sure that the last 2 days have allowed me to make up for all that sleep. However, I am still feeling so lazy, and am not motivated to study at all. Gotta do something about this. I have always been fretting about my grades this semester, but somehow or rather the fact that the exams can still control the bulk of my grades hasn't seem to sunk into me yet.

Finally completed my SEP application, after surfing through the websites of many universities. Eventually chose 2 Hong Kong universities as my first choice, followed by an Aussie one. Really hope to get my choices. I was contemplating on Canada and US, but a few reasons steered me away from those 2 countries. Firstly, its the cash. I don't really think I can afford it, and I don't want to burden my parents over this. And secondly, they somwhow seem really 'far' away, and I am not sure how my family and gf will think about it. But I guess the crucial factor would be that they have so little modules related to what I want.

Somehow or rather Hong Kong's modules fit so much better, and they seem a little closer to home. And yes, money is a big factor :p Been thinking about this for days, and I think what I really want is the experience of just going abroad to study indepently, and yes, not worry so much about grades. Oh, and I just realised that so many people are applying, and that spaces are real tight. So am crossing my fingers.

I SHALL start on some revision today. Maybe advertising first ...

Last Day of Lessons

Compared to yesterday, today was much busier, as it was a full day of tutorials and lectures. However, am glad to say that those are my final lessons of the semester, and I am a step closer to getting this semester over and done with. The only thing standing between myself the holidays is exams, the dreaded exams.

Got back my final media writing assignment today. To be honest, since the last 2, I was never expecting much. As usual, my grades were not really good, but at least abit better than the last one. Taking into account the grades I see from the pile everytime I take my paper, I would hope that I am at least somewhere in the average zone. This module has been really bad for me, and I would rate it perhaps the least confident and motivated module I have. As a consolation, I think every one more or less detests this module at least. In terms of the module credentials, grading and how the whole module was run, I would rate it as the worst. Something definitely needs to be done about it, and I hope the department does. Just a pity that myself, and the others have been made scapegoats.

Was informed by many lecturers today that we will be getting back our project grades etc through the gradebook in the next coming days. Somehow, I just do not want to get them back. And its not everytime I feel this way. I am usually the first to want to know my grades, but its all so different this semester. Sigh.

Oh, and as I was telling Joshua, the bad habit in me is returning. Somehow being 2 weeks away from my first paper, I am not in the mood to study. My last minuteness syndrome is pulling me back, and the most I can really do now is to just print and organise my notes. Argh this is bad.

And oh, I just realised that out of my 4 papers, 1 is pure mcq, 1 is 40% mcq and another is 90% mcq. The final one is written. From the looks of it, it may perhaps be my most relaxing exams ever, comparing with my previous 2. Lets hope it really is. Perhaps some reward for all the horrible projects, mid terms and presentations. But this fact is soo not gonna help me in starting to study early.

House Keeping

Finally had some time on my hands, so I managed to:

• Do my laundry, and throw everything possible into the washing machine. Bedsheet, blanket, towel, toiletries bag, laundry bag, and all my clothes. Even used two machines at one time. Oh, and my thumb drive went into the machine too. Hope its still working.
  
• Pack up table and clean up my very messy room, after finishing my war with all the assignments and stuff.
  
• Sort out all my notes and papers. Finally able to place all my project guidelines, draft copies and tonnes of survey forms all into one corner, ready to be used as rough paper next time. Also managed to throw all my universe stuff to one corner. One module down, four to go.
  
• Clear all unwanted files on my desktop, and scan and defrag my soon to by dying laptop. Caleb has got me all tempted to get a mac.
  
• Clear out all my e-mail inboxes, filled with all the project group messages and files. Just couldn't believe the number of mails sent out during this period. Also managed to sort out all the soft copy project work into the proper folders, as I am sure they will come in handy in the future.
  
• Sit down in front of the computer, to catch up on the latest news, soccer news, and also go blog surfing again.
  

Feeling a little more organised and clean now that I have managed to settle all these housekeeping issues, which were due for quite a while already. The only thing left to do, is to bathe, and continue catching up on my sleep. Shall settle the rest of my notes, and SEP tomorrow.

At Long Last

Yes, and finally, after submitting my universe term paper, I am done for all my assignments, presentations, tests and whatsoever. I totally went through the whole of last night doing the universe term paper, and that means I just chalked up a total of 6 hours plus of sleep in 3 whole days. If this goes on, I can actually out do my Arts Camp record, but nah, will be going off to sleep after I'm done with this posting. Totally shag, as when I was walking to science to hand up the assignment, I sub-conciously realised that I was walking at half my normal speed. Battery running low.

It was a hellacious 2nd half of the semester. Looking back now, from the 7th week of school till the 13th week now, it was projects, assignments, presentations, and tests all the way. Not including the fact that I have a 5-day week full of lessons. And if I actually add up all the major test, assignments and presentations, I actually covered 11 of them in these 7 weeks! Test and term paper for universe, test and term paper for e-commerce, project and presentation for intercultural, assignment 3 and newsletter assignment for media writing, test and project and presentation for advertising. Madness! Yes to date, and as mentioned quite a few times already, this is the toughest semester so far. I know there will or may be tougher ones ahead, but thats for later to brood about.

Overall, I am quite pessimistic about how I have done. Well I have always been rather pessimistic anyway. The only thing only worth feeling happy about was yesterday's advertising presentation. Still feeling a little bit of the relief and happiness we felt yesterday.

Free day tomorrow, as there are no more tutorials and lectures. I shall welcome my first ever official free day tomorrow, after 12 and half weeks of the semester. Hope I can settle all my notes arranging and SEP application by tomorrow.

One Last One

And just like that, I have 2 assignments down, and one last one to go. Finally managed to clear my media writing assignment, and advertising presentation. Sadly, no break for me as universe term paper is due tomorrow, and its another sleepless night. I am very tired, having slept like 6 hours in the entire weekend, rushing out the media writing assignment. Eventually, it was a last minute dash to hand up the assignment like 2 minutes before deadline. Almost got a heart attack when my email could not be sent through due to some space limit problem of my mail box, as time was ticking. Thank goodness Joshua managed to send it evetually.

Have my reservations about the media writing assignment. This is perhaps one of my most worrying module, having not done well in my assignments so far. As for this assignment, as a group we are sure that we have done what we could, and what we really wanted. But seeing how the other groups have done websites, and have so many more pages than us, it does pose a reason to think and worry. I put this all down to unclear instructions from the lecturers. Hope they will like ours, after all the effort put in.

On a happier note, advertising presentation was good. Today was different from last week, as instead of the many different NM lecturers sitting in, we had one media writing tutor, who also has vast experience in the advertising industry. I was very surprised as she was full of praises after our presentation. What was suppose to be a shooting line Q&A session turned out to be a praising (and ego boosting) session for us, and she actually did that in front of the class. Never before have I experienced this.

It was a real confidence and morale booster for our whole group, especially caleb, as I think she really liked the aesthetics of our whole project and presentation. For caleb who is so keen on going out into the advertising industry, and for an experienced industry expert to praise his work, it just says it all. For Sancia and myself, it was also really gratifying to know that our presentation was acknowledged, and it paid off. Wing and Josh did their parts too, and overall, it was a great wrap up to quite a tedious project. To me, this is also one of the happiest and most comfortable project groups I have worked with (of course knowing caleb and josh well before does play a part). The only down side to this whole thing, is that presentation is only worth 5%. Oh well, it also serves as a good example of how grades is not everything, because I was just simply glad that everyone in the group was happy, after months spent on this project.

Cheers Fluxus! :D

A Sunday of Projects

Its Sunday today, and I am still in school rushing 3 different assignments. Time is really tight, and I am feeling very tired having slept only 3 hours plus last night. Don't think I will get much sleep either tonight. Not really sure if I can even get my assignments finished on time, but I still have the rest of the day to rush everything out.

On a bitchier note, I just wish that some people would just wake up their idea, and seek to understand my position better. No rights to complain about stress and tiredness, if you even consider what I am putting in and going through!

A Weekend in School

Well will be spending my weekend in school, as I still have quite a few assignments to rush, still! Yes, it never seems to end. Since I went back during deepavali, I think I shall give a home a miss this weekend, and continue rushing my projects. As much as my work rate is slow in hall, its even slower at home. Anyway, I usually go home also to at least see my parents once a week, but they are away this weekend again, so no difference. Some thoughts:

Apparently, when I spoke about how I did OK for my intercultural test, I may have to take back my words. As I said, the max was 39/40, but the next two friends I asked actually got 37/40. When around hearing from them that alot of their other friends got quite high too, and I more or less knew what the mean roughly was. And I may be sitting right smack in there. To think of it, this 20% from this test may not be as important now, as everyone seems to be doing quite well, so much would lie on the project. Pray pray.

I liked Bingde's recent entry, about planning and scheming, and school as a whole. Agree very much with what he mentioned, especially the part about how to many its seems like a test of your knowledge of the subject, but its actually more about the scope, angle of approach, and also luck which determines your fate after 13 weeks of rush studying. Looking back now, how much have we really comprehended from our past modules. Here and there, we remember some things, but honestly, most have been forgotten. And yes, totally agree on the point, whereby those who do well, are not necessarily the muggers. Of course, there are really crazy muggers out there who push themselves so much that their hard work pays off, but I dare say that most others are tacticians. I know of quite a few tacticians myself, and would say I probably managed to pull a stunt like theirs last semester. Just couldn't seem to do it this semester though.

Lastly, yes I too heard about NUS dropping to 33rd position. From 19 to 33, thats 14 positions. But to be honest, as much as I am a proud student of NUS (taking into account that I could make it into NUS from poly), the rankings do not really matter to me. Not sure how true this is, but from what I know, the rankings are actually based more on research, than tertiary education. So, does it really impact us? Of course the most important issue would be that of 'face', but to think of it, does it really matter? NUS will still be Singapore's top university (my assumption, with no disregard to NTU and SMU), and it will not make much of a difference. Most of us went to NUS not because of its ranking, but simply because its an affordable and well established local university at home (with government's help of course).

Happy Deepavali

Happy Deepavali to all hindus and indians out there. Although if I were an Indian, it would probably be the worst time to actually celebrate this special occasion. Was speaking to sham on msn just now, and she is actually at home rushing for her test, assignment and presentation, while her family is out there celebrating and visiting. So sad. Imagine having a major test or assignment one day after chinese new year.

Well anyway, spent the day resting at home, watching the phillipines 9-ball pool championship, then went for brother's birthday lunch, before heading to city hall to meet my advertising group. One last hurdle for advertising, so I really hope I presentation turns out fine. Oh and Ms Gene was actually working on Deepavali! She actually managed to get our intercultural mid term marks onto the ivle gradebook today. I did ok, but its just so worrying that someone can actually get 39 out of 40. This paper consist of 20 mcqs, and other 20 marks come from 5 short structured questions. And to get a 39 out of 40 for a paper is this kinda format is amazing. In normal circumstances, I would be 'wow'ing at such an achievement, but under the bell curve circumstances, Im starting to get worried. Just wondering what the mean mark is.

Was reading the news just now, and there is this 7 year old singaporean boy who is pushing for a place in a university. Yes, only 7, and he can do advanced science. He sat for O levels chemistry early this year, and will be seating for his A levels chemistry early next year. Can you believe it. His parents said that he could actually engage in conversations with adults since he was 1, start drawing hyper-dimensional diagrams since he was 3, and compose his own piano pieces at 6. And now at 7, his parents are actually pushing for a university to accept him.

Some may envy his abilities and talent, but when first read the article, I started to pity him. This poor kid cannot really enjoy what the rest of us had enjoyed, that is 'childhood days'. I think these are very important days, and are like the building blocks that result in who we are today. Entering a university at 7, and going through all the 'hell' we are going through now, is not what a boy at his age should be going through.

Crunch Period

How do you know when its the crunch time of the year? When you walk back to RVR, and whichever corner of the first floor you walk to, you see the 'tiongs' (as we usually call them) with all their cardboards, pen knives, wires and circuit boards, rushing through what I think is their electrical engineering assignments.

Just finished my final universe test today. The chapters of the second half of the semester are so much tougher. I practically didn't understand most of the things I was studying, as compared to the first half of the semester. In the end, I just went to test with the 'ready to franctically flip my notes' mentally, and thats exactly what I did. To be honest, the test didn't turn out as bad as I thought, although overall I was playing my usual 'make educate guess' game.

There is something which I realised from this test though. I have tonned down my expectations abit after much thinking in the last few days, and as compared to the first test, I was just planning to tide this one through, and hopefully just obtain a pass. I guess this mentality was also set because I practically gave up after not understanding everything I studied. So as I was doing the paper, somehow or rather, I was feeling relieved that I more or less knew how to do half of the paper, and did not feel so stressed anymore. So I just went on to relaxingly complete the rest of my paper.

After the test, I came out and thought to myself, you know, this was the kind of mentality which I had during my poly days. No stress, just do what you can, and let nature take its course. I never pressured myself, and I guess that is why I enjoyed my poly days so so much. As compared to now, I keep worrying about grades, after I upped my expectations after last semester. As much as it may seem more 'slacking', I so want to go back to have that old and relaxing mentality.

Counting Down the Days and Deadlines

Since the last time I listed all my deadlines, a few has been cleared, and to keep myself reminded, this is what's left.

- IT1004 Term Paper (almost done)
- NM2220 Project (halfway through at least)
- GEK1520 Final Test (just started studying)
- GEK1520 Term Paper (not started)
- NM3215 Presentation (not started)

Well in the next 2 days, another 2 of them will be done. Still alot for the last 2 weeks though, and it looks like I can only start studying in the reading week. Not like I really study that much also. Although there are some other administrative issues I have to worry about also.

- Module Preference Exercise
- SEP Application
- Teaching Feedback Exercise

The worrying thing is that when everything is more or less settled, the deadly exams would have also arrived. Well, it has become not a matter of chionging for my projects, but more of getting them over and done with. Yes, sad but true.

On to other issues, it is always nice to chat with caleb and joshua about life in general, about why we are studying, about life after school, about marriage and the working world. Yes girls, we guys can chit chat about these stuff too, haha. Caleb and I were talking about where we would have been if NUS had not accepted us, and how our life would have been so much different. For the better or for the worse we do not know, but all we know is that the path of life is so unpredictable. Just one small decision in life and the path for your entire life would prove to be different.

Anyway, something dissed me off real bad today. Apparently, one of my project group mates didn't submit the softcopy peer evaluation form for my group, after saying that she would. She only submitted the hard copy, and it was only until I happened to ask her to double confirm today, that she said she did not submit. At first, I was worried it was actually due to miscommunication that we did not tie down who should submit, but when I asked my other friends, they too said that they remembered her saying that she would do it.

She then gave me the reason saying that day so many of us wanted to help to submit, so it was not settled who should do it and eventually she did not submit. What the hell, what kind of reasoning is that. No offence to her, but that is one lame excuse. I was really pissed because so many of us had put in so much effort for this project, and to be honest, I think I myself had put in alot of effort with the website and presentation. Therefore, I was worried that this stupid mistake was going to cost us some marks, so I went to consult the lecturer. Thank goodness she was nice enough to understand, and will not penalise us.

This is going to sound a little crude, but this incident has just reminded of how some people just cannot be relied on. Just to submit one peer evaluation form, and she can't do it. How irresponsible. To be honest, I had this hinch that she was going to forget, but I told myself that I really need to place some trust in her. Guess I misplaced my trust, and should have just stuck to my gut feeling.

Feeling Directionless

In the first and second semesters, I remembered how I couldn't sleep the whole night before the release of results. To think of it, the real reason why I was so nervous was because there was a glimmer of hope and expectation I put upon myself that I could do well. For the first semester, it turned to disappointment, but for the second, it was joy and reward for my hard work.

But this semester, its just so different. Suddenly, I do not wish to get back any of my results. Results for my test and assignments have been coming in, and almost every single one of them is bad. Yes bad. Because I did well last semester, I have always had this expectation of wanting to be above average. But some of the grades I have gotten are not only average, but below average. Now, I do not even wish to get back any other results anymore, and I just want to get everything over and done with for this semester.

Suddenly, for once in my life, I just want to be ordinary, and not push myself so hard to excel. I just want to lead a normal life, and push away all expectations and pressure. I want to be just an average guy. This sounds stupid, but sometimes I really wished I had not done so well last semester. Would definitely have given me lesser pressure. Its just not me to do well in my studies, and doing well last semester has somehow made me become who I do not want to be.

Saturday Rest

After completing 2 major assignments last week, I took a little time of Friday off for a break, and also the whole of today. So in terms of school work, I kinda wasted the whole saturday online and watching tv. But in terms of my mental state, it was a good rest which I really enjoyed. Once again, it just feels so good to lay down at home watching tv and online at the same time, and sleeping and eating whenever I want.

Many a times today I wanted to start doing school work again, as I still have a few assignments, presentation and test to worry about. But the other side of me somehow told me to just sit back and relax, and that is what I did. Am going to start work later I hope, after what is going to be a great soccer weekend. Its 1st vs 2nd in Arsenal vs Man Utd, and 5th vs 6th in Blackburn vs Liverpool. Although all the hype is around the game at Emirates, for once, Blackburn's game is placed 2nd in terms of hype. Really hope they win, although Liverpool is gonna be tough, real tough.

Was listening to 933 while driving yesterday, and the two DJs were talking about the issue of school vs work. Listed the pros and cons, and they were saying how when you are studying, you want to work, and vice versa. Quoting the DJ, "the grass is always greener on the other side". Thats so true. When I was in army, I so wanted to study. Now, I just want to go out and work, and earn some money without having 5 different modules on my mind everyday.

On and On and On

Well today, I cleared 2 major assignments. Firstly, at 9am in the morning, I cleared my intercultural presentation. Had put in alot for this project, and got kinda worried when Ms Gene asked quite alot of questions to the group before us. My heart was thumping and was kinda worried that she was going to do the same to us. It was quite bad as it came to a point whereby her question made the presenter of the group before mine say "let me consolidate my thoughts". And then after like asking other questions, Ms Gene actually when back to her to ask if she had finished consolidating her thoughts! Oh man, I thought she would just let it pass. So they were left rather stunned. Thank goodness it was much better for my group, and although she did pose a couple of tough questions which got me worried for a while, it was generally still rather fine. One down.

Straight after that, I went to meet the guys for advertising. Finally handed this project up at 4pm. Till date, this is to me the most 'shiong' project, in terms of workload and brain power. It was a really draining project, and to be honest, I wasn't really relieved when it all ended. I just don't know why, maybe because the presentation is still not done. I feel that the entire report was written rather well, and we managed to do all that we wanted to, but I'm really not very sure how we would do. Its that pessimistic side of me working up again. Have really put it alot for this project, so much so that it has really drained the energy out of me, and I'm sure many of friends could see this just by looking at me. And as mentioned in my previous post, hard work does not reap rewards, so well, its ok anyway.

I am still feeling very tired. Sleep has not been good, and has been really irregular. For this week alone, I have been sleeping rather late, at waking up at odd times. I even woke up once at 3am, and sat on my table to try to do some work, as even when I was sleeping, there was this corner of my mind still thinking about school work.

Feeling all tired and moody now. Two major assignments down, but believe or not, I still have 3 more, and 1 more test. It just goes on and on and on, and before I know it, exams. Horrible semester.