Feeling Directionless

In the first and second semesters, I remembered how I couldn't sleep the whole night before the release of results. To think of it, the real reason why I was so nervous was because there was a glimmer of hope and expectation I put upon myself that I could do well. For the first semester, it turned to disappointment, but for the second, it was joy and reward for my hard work.

But this semester, its just so different. Suddenly, I do not wish to get back any of my results. Results for my test and assignments have been coming in, and almost every single one of them is bad. Yes bad. Because I did well last semester, I have always had this expectation of wanting to be above average. But some of the grades I have gotten are not only average, but below average. Now, I do not even wish to get back any other results anymore, and I just want to get everything over and done with for this semester.

Suddenly, for once in my life, I just want to be ordinary, and not push myself so hard to excel. I just want to lead a normal life, and push away all expectations and pressure. I want to be just an average guy. This sounds stupid, but sometimes I really wished I had not done so well last semester. Would definitely have given me lesser pressure. Its just not me to do well in my studies, and doing well last semester has somehow made me become who I do not want to be.