Tired, Down and Exhausted

Oh man I am feeling really very low, demoralised and exhausted. I am really feeling very sick of studying, and this time I literally mean it. When I pick up my soci book to study, I just somehow feel my head going heavy, and am even starting to feel like throwing up. All this studying is just horrible. To think that just half a year back, I was saying how I cannot wait to get back to the books. There I have it, my wishes fulfiled and my dream come true. I don't even remembering studying that hard or that much throughout my 3 years in poly, or wait a minute, did I even study that hard for my 'O's? Hmm ....

Exams and Problems

Well the exams have started, with my frens going thru QET and Econs already. My first paper would be coming in just 2 days time, and I am already feeling very tired with studying. Spent the entire week studying, and glad to say this is the first time I actually plan how I want to study. Usually I would just study 1 or 2 days before the paper, but knowing that is not very possible in uni, I managed to study for papers which follow closely behind my first paper. Although I must say it seemed more like reading than studying, but then again, is there really a difference there? Is studying all about memorising? Just hope that I can do well. Feeling really mentally exhausted.

Just read something and felt a little disturbed. For those who frequently go blog surfing around, you should know what I read. In fact if you read what Im posting below, you should more or less know what Im getting at. Sometimes people just do not understand, and only see things from their point of view. Of course, they are entitled to do that, and nothing mentioned was wrong either. No blames attached here, but maybe just some thoughts and questions which could be based as considerations, and of course not excuses.

1. Are we again being compared? Did anyone know the difficulties and constraints we faced this time?
2. Were we expected to know everything, and could more support or advice have be given?
3. Are our failed attempts going to be deemed as failures, instead of daring and new approaches?
4. Are we going to be condemned for our mistakes, or be given advice and suggestions for a 2nd chance?
5. We have only that many people, and that many ears and eyes. Are we suppose to be able to see every corner of the world? Wouldn't it be better if it be brought up to us, instead of behind us?
6. As usual, why are all the bad points highlighted? What happened to the good ones?
7. Why are we judged on about 2 months plus of work? Is there no time at all for us to learn? Are we expected to just fit nicely into the puzzle? Are our promises expected to come in that early?
8. Why must people always bring up the elections? Wasn't it obvious that the elections somehow or rather did not serve its main purpose, but instead escalated into some kind of battle? Don't people know that we did not choose for it to become like that, but certain circumstances just left us with no choice?

This is one reason why I actually thought for so many days before getting myself involved in this. This is what I hated about this involvement, but as expected, here it is staring straight at my face. Of course, there is no way this is gonna put me or anyone down, nor am I going to look back. What concerns me is the future .....

Good Old Days

Just a few more days to exams, and I am slowly starting to feel the stress and pressure. Haha everyone's blog has practically froze, as everyone is busy with revisions. Feeling a little worried for my soci and social work which is one day after another, but come to think of it, I am in a much better position than those who have 2 papers on the same day. I feel that no matter how good your time management is, it would be extremely hard to have 2 papers on a same day. Then again, with the kind of people I have seen in uni, it is still possible.

Had a group chat session on MSN with my good pals of my good old poly days. Was suppose to be studying but decided to catch up with them. Despite not meeting for a few years, we could still relate in the same way we did, joking around, crapping around and casually flaming each other. Haha really miss those days in poly, where it was so fun and relaxing. There wasn't as much stress. We could afford to sleep during lectures, go out to play LAN or billiards after school, or even better, after exams eventhough there is another paper the next day, and still afford to do relatively well. You could meet the weirdiest kinds of people and do the craziest things, yet still keep in check with reality and studies. I really love my 3 years in poly. Glad I chose this path.

To those who still think that poly is just a backdoor or backup for those who are not eligible for entry into JC, think again. It's more than that.

System Flaw

Is there a system which is perfect out there? Just so many personal views and questions I have regarding the school system. Does the bell curve really work well with peer evaluation, or vice versa? How are 1101 modules suppose to be exposure modules, if the lecturers unintentionally deter students from taking the major by making the modules tough to understand? How is moderation actually done, if any, when tutors have such differing standards? Does 'A' for a module last year, mean 'A' for a module which is taught by a different and less interesting lecturer this year?

But then again, I am thinking and expecting too much. Must be the exam stress.

VivoCity

Well took a break from studies today (not like I have been studying much either), and went to VivoCity with my gf. The first time I went there, I only went to eat at the basement and headed straight back home. However today I spent almost the entire day there, walking the gigantic mall. The whole mall is just so big, the Giant there is big, the ToysRUs there is big, the Sushi Tei is big, the GV is big, the open air rooftop is so big, the foodcourts are so big, everything is just so big. I seriously got very lost as the entire place was just so huge and crowded. Nice place though, with a nice open air rooftop, and a good sea view at the back, and its quite exciting to know that the Sentosa monorail station is also in Vivo itself, and will be opening soon.

The mall has almost any shop you can think of, but my gf noticed one particular shop name missing amongst the list of shops, MacDonalds. Interesting, and I wonder why. Business at Vivo is just too good to not open a branch there, evident from the long queues at most of the food outlets and restaurants. Oh and I found the VivoCity traffic policemen really amusing, and I think its quite an innovative move by the Vivo management to have them there. One of a kind.

And So it Begins

Science test today was relatively easy. I think Dr Ong was trying to scare us telling us that it was going to be very tough. Well it was kind of good having a CA just before exams, as now I wouldn't have to study that much for the module with the topics still fresh in my mind.

Well with this CA now completed, the next thing on my agenda would be the final examinations itself. This would thus signify the start of my mugging period. Of course I said that I wanted to start last week, but somehow my 'last minuteness' got the better of me again, and the only thing I have studied last week was my science. Somehow I just find it hard to bring myself to study or do assignments weeks before the deadline. A very bad habit indeed.

However I have been thinking about it, and realised that I had better do something about it. This is no longer like poly whereby I can cover the entire module within a day or two by just scanning through the notes, as the modules and topics now require some deep reading and serious mugging. I forsee a problem with my soci paper on the 27th and social work on the 28th, both of which are the papers which require the most work, therefore I had better do something about it, NOW!

Random Thoughts

Its 12.45 in the morning, and Im still studying for my Food Safety and Security test tomorrow, or today. More or less done, but still need some more revision. Anyway, its only 10%, but then again it does not warrant me to take it lightly. Many many people have already S/U(ed) the module, so it may be a blessing for me. Well some random thoughts I have.

I have my driving license for almost 4 years already. Oh man, another sign of me really aging fast. And thats also the number of years I have not driven a manual car. So when mich asked me to return the van used for exam tea, I wasn't very supportive of the idea. Haha but it turned out I really had to help as there was no one else available. In a sense I was not confident at all with manual, a van is much harder to gauge, and I knew the huge implications if something unfortunate were to happen on the road. So when asked to try driving last night, I was really nervous. Think mich could somehow guess how I was feeling, just from my facial expression alone. But fortunately, driving is something like cycling. You learn it and you get it, and it just takes some time at the wheel to get used to it. Maybe from another point of view, I should thank mich for allowing me to realise I still can drive manual vehicles :p Bet you gonna come up to me soon to mention bout this.

Another interesting thing happened today. While on my way back in the train after returning the van, there was this group of school children who were dumb and deaf, so they were communicating using sign languages. Aparently after they boarded the train, the whole carriage went rather silent as people were busy observing their sign languages. I was silently observing too. No doubt its quite sad that they have lost the ability to speak and hear from such a young age, but I must say it was interesting watching them use sign languages.

Realm of Tranquility

Went to some charity event today with some other MC members, and it was quite an eye opener. It was actually planned by an organization for many different homes for the disabled and elderly. I reached quite late, but still managed to help a little bit in wheel chairing the old folks from place to place and helping them in their meals. Felt quite sad for some of them, unable to walk, unable to eat by themselves, and some even unable to speak and express themselves. I even saw some of them in uniforms of the homes, and to be frank, it made them look like prisoners. It was the largest group of old folks I have ever seen gathered together, which also makes me wonder, are there that many old folks who have been 'abandoned'?

Well sad side of life aside, apart from doing some charity, the event also turned out to be a 'mini gathering' for a few of us. Managed to chit chat with meiling, mich and caleb during the charity performances, and after the entire event, the 4 of us, joined by xinyu, jianwu and jackson got a free ride to Vivo City, thanks to the kind hearted bus uncle. Haha we crapped alot again at dinner and its actually these kind of meals and chit chat sessions which mean alot. We should do these more often.

Beta not Better

I cant seem to get rid of the blogger navi bar ever since I switch to blogger beta, as the script does not work anymore. If I know I shouldn't have switched, now I can't find a way to switch back. Anyone knows how to solve my problem? The navi bar just looks ugly. The only consolation is that it is also blue :p

I learnt something important about communications today, and also saw how differing perceptions can result in serious calamity. Well, wont delve so much into it, as it is more or less resolved. I am having mixed feelings, but it is a lesson learnt indeed.

Blessing in Disguise

Just got back my social work term paper today, the 3rd paper I have gotten back. The grade is not too bad again, but of course I expected much better again. Come to think of it, many people say Arts modules are good because there is no wrong or right, and you just have to argue your way through. However, sometimes because of this I do not know when I am right and when I have gone wrong. This is the second time where I feel that my grades could have been worth a higher grade.

Was speaking to Zhimin today, and we were also speaking around the topic of grades. I would say one would be lying if he says that grades does not matter to him/her. Who wouldn't want to do well. We were talking about honours and stuff, but I think its too early to worry about that. Just feeling a little hard done by that despite putting my good effort, it very oftenly never pays off. Are my essays not good enough? Can I never be as smart as the academically better ones?

However upon saying this, I am really glad that I am in Arts. I much prefer doing no right no wrong essays, than tackling the either right or wrong math and science problems. Was speaking to mich today about how my mistake in not applying for NUS last year actually turned out to be a blessing in disguise, as I would have ended up a Computing student. Met patrick the other day and just by looking at his test paper, I have been assured that Arts definitely suited me better.

Less than 3 weeks to exams, and yet Im lazy to start studying. This is bad.

Aftermath

I am finally able to find some time to post something. Was really very busy the last 2 weeks rushing deadlines, but glad and somewhat relieved that it is all behind me now. The last time I had this kinda rushy feeling was back in poly final year, always hated the process of it, but felt somewhat good after completing everything.

Well of all the mid terms and assignments I have handed up, I have already gotten back 2, and more would be coming. Just real glad that I got good grades for my soci mid term, after spending one entire weekend working on it.

As for changing landscapes, bah, all the hardwork did not result in good grades, but then the grade was not too bad afterall. Feeling a little hard done by, but well just an example of how sometimes effort does not equal results. I guess we did leave something rather essential out. Well, whats done is done. Cheer up group, if we felt that we did well, on our part we did well. Just too bad it wasnt really up to the expectations.

As for new media, I am feeling even more hard done by. It boiled down to a failure in communications. Irony that the module is Communications and New Media. Lets hope it can be resolved.

Exams are coming, and its time to study. The pressure is on and I really hope to get something out of this semester. Looking ahead.

Oh ya, it has been one year:) I do not usually blog about my relationship, but we have been together for a year! well .. plus a few days! just really glad to have her by my side, despite my very busy schedule.