Lost and Helpless

Oh man I am feeling so helpless. Soci mid-term is proving to be a pain and a hassle. Its already Sunday night and despite dedicating my entire weekend to this essay, despite borrowing so many books from the library, despite spending so much time on reading these books, I am still feeling helpless and lost about my essay. The question is just so challenging. In this case its not the case whereby Im not doing enough, its just that I simply cannot apprehend what the question is trying to get at.

The seniors are saying that its not all that hard and I can just crap my way through, but little do they understand that crapping essays is something rather new to me, and that my mind just isn't tuned to receive any soci signals.

Just when I got an A for my latest soci tutorial, and just after consultation with my soci tutor that I felt better about soci, this mid term question had just pressed the reset button. Im now back to zero for soci. The only thing that this mid-term has helped me is that it has assured me that my decision to major in CNM instead of Soci is a good choice.

Help!

Busy

Oh man how time flies, and after this weekend is over I will be super busy to meet all my deadlines for my projects. In fact I have 6 deadlines to meet. Furthermore, I am not even spared from this weekend. We have been given our soci mid-term exam take home question yesterday and I have already put aside my entire weekend for this assignment.

So far my progress has been like super slow, really need to buck up. Having coming this far, there is no turning back now.

Have you all ever had memories of the past suddenly appearing in your mind, with the scenes constantly flashing through your head? I experienced this yesterday in the bus, on my way back home. I suddenly thought of my OCS days and come to think of it, those days were hell but I kind of miss it. Images of my taiwan trip, my brunei and JCC experience, my instructors and my commissioning parade all came gushing into my mind.

To date, OCS and especially the JCC experience is still the one big milestone of my life. I have grown much stronger from it, and come to think of it, it was a hell of an achievement. It was the one thing which gave me, and my parents Im sure, great pride. Which brings me to a point.

Haha not sure how many anti-officers I will offend, but often I hear people commenting about how some officers can be real lousy and horrible. And yes I must admit, the OCS admission system is not foolproof, and some who do not deserve to be there are in there. Similarly, the OCS assessment system may not be foolproof too and some who do not deserve to be commissioned have been given the prestige and honour. However there is one thing you cannot deny, and that is they have gone thru 9-10 months of hell, and I think that alone warrants him to just that little bit of respect from you. But I guess its hard to really understand, unless you have experienced it yourself. It puzzles me how some people can just casually pass remarks like 'Officer so what?'. Of course by saying this, I still stand by my principle of rank being just title and responsibility, and not a medium for abuse and inequality.

To Lead, To Excel, To Overcome.

Smoking

Been quite a while since my last entry, one reason being I have been really busy, and second being that I typed a very long post and the thing juz could not publish, and it just disappeared like that. What a bummer.

Well to sum up the post that could not be published, it actually evolved around my involvement in the Arts Club as an MC member. Just wanted to say I'm enjoying my life in University as it is now, and still strongly feel that the decision I made was the right one. No doubt it left me with some challenges to face, but I'm sure I will be able to overcome it and grow from it. Some people out there will just not be able to realise all these, but I can silently and confidently smile and say that they are the ones that are losing out.

Regarding my entry title, I recently picked up smoking! But no, don't worry, no nicotine or tobacco involved. But instead I'm smoking sulphur dioxide and carbon monoxide. Yes its the haze! It has gotten really bad, but I think today it got extremely bad. Hopefully today is the worst it can get, but I doubt so. While driving from Suntec, I could not even see clearly the tall buildings in the Shenton area, which were usually so tall and prominent. I went back to school and even the walkways were all smoky and hazy. While driving back thru AYE, the whole highway seemed so foreign as it was so foggy and hazy. Wonder how much harm has already been done to my lungs.

Hopefully things will get better, both for me and the country's air problem.